Opa's gone

This was originally posted on April 28, 2010.


I was planning on blogging about the K's Choice concert, but one short text message from one of my uncles in Indonesia late last night turned my world upside down. My Indonesian is a bit rusty, but that one sentence hit home loud and clear: opa had passed away yesterday at 3pm local time. I texted back asking him when the burial was. Today. I was devastated: there was just no way Mom, Arnold and I were able to attend.

I canceled my plans for the remainder of the week and drove home like a bat out of hell. (Cross your fingers I won't have any speeding tickets!) I picked up my brother, whose boss was kind enough to send him home, and then I was left with the task to tell mom her father had passed away yesterday.
Even though she seems to take it surprisingly well, I don't want to leave her alone right now. Arnold and I are the only family she has here.

Opa on the left, and an army buddy.

I feel bad for not visiting opa more often - especially as his health was visibly deteriorating, and it broke my heart to see him like that. I wasn't as close to him as I wished I was, and part of it really is to blame on distance: being literally half a world away doesn't work in anyone's favors.
From what I've heard, he was a truly wonderful man. He didn't discriminate, and was kind to everybody. He was a doctor before he retired, and I've heard stories of people traveling many miles just to see him for whatever ailed them.
Even though he didn't fully understand why I was still single and childless at my age (different culture, different generation), I knew he was very proud of me and all my accomplishments, and my adventurous spirit. (He was also very proud of my brother.) Speaking of which: ever since I started traveling I've made it a habit of sending opa a postcard from wherever in the world I was. The last time I visited he showed me he had saved each and everyone of them.

His passing away will be a great loss to the family.

Divided they stand?

I watched some TV when I was in Indonesia. The US elections, several crappy horror movies, a couple of equally crappy soap series (only serving as a reminder why I don't watch them generally), talk shows, a few American B grade movies. There was a huge discussion on a new law banning pornography; when is something considered sexy, and when is something considered porn. I found it interesting, since being raised in a totally different culture I am used to seeing boobs, bums and naked bodies in ads. Shampoos, shower gels, body lotions... Showing skin helps sales. I know those ads in no way promote porn. Anyway, this is one of the discussions that has divided the Indonesians - and it was ongoing when I left. (The interesting thing is that a couple of TV ads are being aired promoting Indonesia as one country.)
Something that unites the Indonesians was the fact that the verdict on the Bali bombers was finally out. They were to be executed. Shortly after that was out a warning for travelers was issued not to visit Bali until further notice, since they fear possible bombings from militant Muslims. None of the people around me all condoned the bombings and were glad the three were going to be executed. (In case you missed it: two explosions on Bali's Kuta strip on October, 12, 2002 killed 202 people including 4 Dutch, 88 Australians and 38 Indonesian citizens, and dealt a severe blow to the island's tourist industry.) Frankly, I don't know what to think of the sentence. Don't get me wrong: they killed innocent people so they should be punished. I just don't know if punishment by death is the right thing. I realize that is just another topic for a heated discussion - and I'm not gonna go there...

Like bees to honey

This was originally posted on October 23, 2008.






After a short trip to Central Java mom and I went back to spending time with more (other) family members. Dang, they do seem to multiply steadily over here... Just like I anticipated, spending two or three days and nights with each member (aunts, uncles, cousins) would certainly take time. But I'm not complaining. People have been very generous (I think I gained 5 pounds just eating all my favorite foods) and different people have been taking time off work just to show me (and my mom if she felt like it) around. My cousin Deny had a great time taking me to places. He and his older brother Indra (who now works at a lab at a university nearby as a dirt analyser) took mom and me to Mt. Bromo the last time we were visiting. Yes; that is an active vulcano. Deny is a country boy, who has an adventurous streak, but that fact makes him feel awkward and out of place when wanting to try new things. He's never had pizza (although he was curious enough) so I took him out for pizza. Well, take out actually. Same goes for KFC. (Looks like I had my share of junk food for this year ) I took him to Ba-Be, a cafe/restaurant where my cousin Yuli works, since he's never been to a cafe. It's nice to see him enjoy all those new experiences.





Anyhoo, I mentioned the multiplying part earlier. Some are surprised I still don't have that one "special boy friend", others understand that modern big city women *ahem* sometimes don't feel the need to settle down. In the past four years there have been several additions to the family. And the majority don't waste time taking to me. I am just as surprised as my mom, because I don't give them special attention and I certainly don't talk the oogely-boogely talk. But they all stick to me like bees to honey, and are seriously upset once the moment has come to say goodbye. I'm doing something wrong here - I can tell you ignoring them does NOT work.
The funny thing is that my favorite aunt and uncle (my mom's older sister and younger brother) seem unfazed by my ink. Bear in mind that in Indonesia traditions are very important. Like, short hair on girls/women is rare. (Although, I noticed emo haircuts on boys - the happening trend right now.) Tattoos are rare, and certainly not meant for girls. There are no female soccer players (professionally) and Indonesian "rock chicks" are still a novelty. Anyhoo, my uncle showed me his ink and told me how he did that himself. My aunt revealed that the eyeliner and her eye brows are tattooed. The story on how she got it done is hilarious, but that's perhaps something for another time. My little cousins were all curious by my ink, and frequently lifted my shirt sleeves to have a look at them



Unfortunately for me, I miss the queer film festival in Surabaya as I'm in Central Java. And two days before mom and I intent to leave for Bali for a few days, the opening of the first Asian Beach Games (held on Bali) is being aired in national TV. Not wanting to risk ending up on Bali without a (decent) hotelroom, mom and I decide not to go. We can always go another time.

... What about the heat, eh?

This was originally posted on October 16, 2008.



Plans to buy a used car are put off; I told mom there simply wasn't enough time to look for a decent vehicle. And how are we supposed to come up with several million Rupiahs? Talking about millions: every day I leave the house with - literally - a bulging wallet. 100 Euros (or $100 for that matter) equals about 1.6 million Indonesian Rupiahs... I have to admit that it feels weird being an overnight millionaire.


Time and cost efficiency are things that Indonesians are NOT familiar with. At least not the majority, who has never been outside the country to study or work. Don't get me wrong: people are very friendly and accommodating, but things take time here. A lot of time. I am also very aware that a lot of things are being said out of politeness - not because it can actually be done. In fact, a lot of things are unsaid. Mom and I occassionally have arguments, but we talk about things, and I don't respect my mother any less. Over here everything is defined by hierarchy. Indonesians have different ways of addressing others who are older and younger than oneself... It's hard to explain, but let's just say that it's more than simply addressing an aunt by calling her "aunt" or calling an uncle "uncle". Indonesians who are not familiar with other cultures think I'm rude and offensive. Whatever. My horrible accent gives me away.

My favorite aunt, Yani, calls in a favor from a friend, who drives mom and I to Cangar (hot springs). The water is said to be beneficial to people with skin problems. Needless to say I went in Talking about skin: while winters mess with mine, the heat is obviously working its wonders. The little eczema I arrived with is completely gone after a week or so in this country.

Mom and I arranged a ride to Surabaya to visit an old friend of the family. He gladly showed us the city in half a day. I forgot to ask where the French Cultural Center is, so I know later this month where to go to catch a couple of queer flicks. Oh well...

Another old friend of the family offers us a ride to Jogjakarta, so we can visit the Prambanan and Borobudur. On the day mom and I walk up to the gigantic monument mercury has risen to almost 100F. Mom and I agree she waits for me on a little stone bench under the shade of a tree, while I climb the Borobudur. She later told me I love walking from the moment I was able to do so (I skipped crawling altogether) and that I've walked this structure at age 6 (the first time I visited Indonesia). Looks like some things never change
I take in the beauty, and by the time I return to the spot I left my mom all my clothes stick to my body. I feel yucky, and would kill for a cool shower. There's an older (Caucasian) lady on the other end of the stone bench, and I ask her in English why she isn't up there. She replies she speaks little English, and hearing a French accent I repeat my question en Français. She's pleasantly surprised I can actually speak the language (albeit a little rusty at best). When it turned out she's not from Canada nor France but Belgium - to which I replied: "Je suis Hollandais" - we finally switched to Dutch. Heh heh... Anyhoo, the Walloon woman was suffering from the heat as well. She was visiting Indonesia with a group and showed me their itinerary: I got tired just looking at it - it was packed from early early morning till way after dinner. For almost three weeks. I can hardly call that a vacation. That's a work out!

Back to my roots

This was originally posted on October 9th, 2008.


Hey folks!
I've found a regular internet cafe nearby; it's not free, but the bandwidth is pretty normal compared to the free hotspot - no way I can view pics or video clips... And there was an outage last night. (Yes, I sat there in the dark with several other laptop users. And the only light was provided by some of the laptop screens running on battieries - like mine.)



The journey was long; mom and I traveled for 27 hours, from the moment we left my friend's house to the moment we arrived at my grandfather's house. My mom and my grandfather cried when they saw eachother again, and my heart broke: it's become more obvious that my grandfather is getting old (at 84 he's considered very old - many people in this country die in their 60s, or younger...). He appologized to me he's been sick on and off and is now sleeping away most of his days. I tried to comfort him and tell him that there is no need in appologizing for that, and that I was glad to see him again. He really is a shadow of his former (virile) self, and I'm afraid that the next time I travel to Indonesia it will be to attend his funeral. My mom would probably repremand me for saying this, but in her heart she knows this may be very very real.
The past several days a lot of family memebers came over to visit us, asking us when we are coming them: I let mom handle that part of the visit We are now in the process of buying a used car (cheaper than renting one) which will allow mom and I to travel to Yogyakarta and Bali. And even though everybody is really nice, I cannot help but notice that even though I look the same on the outside, I am very different on the inside. While I understand the cultural differences and accept them, they have trouble grasping the fact that I am not an Asian. (Truth is I am not really a "Westerner" either, but I have less trouble fitting in.) Also, I had forgotten how important religion is to the people here: people ask which one you practice. To me that is a bit of a weird concept, because I don't care about that. I care about people respecting eachother regardless. I even saw what appears to be a "Muslim hood". At first I thought it was strange (since the majority of the people here are Muslim), but then I thought maybe it's not so different from the "coloured hoods" in the US.



In Indonesia time is a different concept altogether, or so it seems. I'm glad that I decided to not let that get in the way: people take their time, and don't seem to be in a hurry. I'm on vacation and I don't mind the time - until October 31st (mom and I will go back to the Netherlands then).



Well, that's it for now. More updates - with pictures - later!

Whoa... An Asian gay guide?

I originally posted this on April 28th, 2006.


Guardian reporter John Aglionby writes:

Milestone for gay rights as Indonesia gets first pink guidebook
For decades, gay venues in Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore were forced to operate secretly because of official disapprobation and cultural-religious sensitivities.
But now the acceptance of a homosexual lifestyle in the region has passed a major milestone with the publication of the first gay guidebook to the three countries.
The Utopia Guide to Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia seeks to "shine a light on an aspect of society that exists in every country around the globe, but has been mostly in the shadows here in Asia", according to its publisher, John Goss.
The book features everything from gay bars in Indonesia to bathhouses in Malaysia and an array of clubs, massage parlours and cultural attractions.
Gay activists are confident there will be little backlash. "In recent years we've been more and more open," Dede Oetomo, an Indonesian gay activist, told the Guardian.
"Conservative religious groups know where to find us and they leave us alone. I think, if anything, the bigger problem will be cultural because many families still don't accept a gay lifestyle."

Also, very positive in its own regard is GLAS (Gay & Lesbian Arab Society). Their homepage states the following:
We are the Gay and Lesbian Arabic Society (GLAS), an international organization established in 1988 in the USA with worldwide chapters.  We serve as a networking organization for Gays and Lesbians of Arab descent or those living in Arab countries. We aim to promote positive images of Gays and Lesbians in Arab communities worldwide, in addition to combating negative portrayals of Arabs within the Gay and Lesbian community. We also provide a support network for our members while fighting for our human rights wherever they are oppressed. We are part of the global Gay and Lesbian movement seeking an end to injustice and discrimination based on sexual orientation.

NO PDA - or have Allah's wrath upon thou

I originally posted this on March 11th, 2006.


Kurang lebih 150 wanita2 di ibu kota Indonesia Jakarta demonstrasi menantang undang2 hukum, selain porno juga mempertihatkan kaki dan bahu dan kesenian yang drianggap sebagai erotik, akan dilarang.
Sedikit orang dari partai2 islam, didukung oleh konservatif muslim organisasi, sa'at ini semangat penbicarakan undang2 hukum serupaitu.
Baru2 ini rancangan undang2 dari tahun 1999 dibicarakan oleh komisi parlemén. Pemimpin komisi, Balkan Kaplale, mengatakan perubahan moral krisis di Indonesia dan mengulsulkan tsunami achir 2004 mungkin hukuman dari Tuhan Allah.

In english, it all boils down to this (thanks to my mom for helping me translate):
At least 150 women demonstrated in Jakarta, Indonesia's capital city, against a law that will prohibit - besides pornography - kissing in public, bare legs and shoulders and all that can be regarded as erotic art.
A few islamic (political) parties, backed up by conservative muslim organisations [no surprise there] , are currently lobbying for such a law.
The 1999 bill is now being debated by a parliamentary committee. The chairman of that committee, Balkan Kaplale, said that Indonesia is suffering from a moral crisis and that the tsunami at the end of 2004 was possibly a punishment by Allah.
I find it embarrassing to be reading this in a Dutch newspaper, and I wished I was there to demonstrate alongside the other brave women. These ignorant men need to look beyond their own little frontyards, and closely examine the consequences of such a law - not only for the Indonesians, but also for the country itself. Stating that the tsunami was perhaps a punishment by Allah, to instill fear in people's hearts is stupid. Plain and simple. Now, I'm not saying that everybody should be kissing in public and go around scantily clad - just for the sake of it. On the contrary. But I do think people should be able to choose whether to do so, or not. As for pornography, even though it is "forbidden" one can get a skin mag - illegally, of course - if one knows where to look for it. I'm sure mister chairman knows that, too.
It's just too bad politics and religion are so entwined. Add to that mix a bunch of conservative ignorant men and there you have part of the answer why Indonesia's political climate (still) is unstable. And given the fact that the chairman has his own assumptions I'm fairly sure that bill will pass sooner or later...